I have 4 daughters (13, 17, 20, 27). One by birth, 2 adopted from Ethiopia and 1 from Guatemala. As a post-abortive woman who struggled deeply following the abortion of my first child, and now as a strong pro-life advocate and mother of 7, I am determined to help my daughters and sons learn from my mistakes.
Also, there is a common belief that Christians are loud pro-life advocates who as a group are against abortion. The truth is that 2/3rds of the abortions that occur are by women who consider themselves Christians. And most Christian denominations do not have a statement for life in their value statements and many are actually prochoice. Most are silent on the subject and IMHO contributing to the choice to abort.
Sunday morning during our home-church, I sat down and told my kids my entire abortion story. They knew I had an abortion when I was a teen but really didn’t hear my more detailed account until yesterday. It was a beautiful morning shared with tears, scripture, prayers and in all honesty was a sacred conversation. I looked at my 17 year old daughter and realized I wasn’t much older than her when I found myself pregnant with no hope, knowledge and support. Of course, I kept my pregnancy a secret and felt very much alone in the world. And in all honesty, even with being in church twice a week there wasn’t one youth pastor, senior pastor who pointed out scriptures on what God said or the specifics as to the long term regret and sadness, physical and emotional scars some women experience. And most would never ever talk about the spiritual directives toward life listed in the bible.
A lot has changed since the early 80’s when I made the choice to abort. We know now that life begins at conception and the heartbeat can be detected as early as 3 weeks. In my day, we were told that there is no life (only tissue) in the first few weeks. I somehow fell for all of the lies. I don’t want my daughters to be deceived and I wanted them to know where I stood.
My advice to any mother, father, youth pastor, pastor, blogger or pro-life advocate out there, is to let teens as early as middle school know that you would support them through an unplanned pregnancy. The most powerful device the enemy of God uses to lure young women into abortion is the threat of isolation and being unsupported. The next is the lie that minimizes the sacred truth that a human being that God created is growing inside of them.
Please tell them you would support them and love them. Please. We teach our kids to wait to have sex until marriage but at the same time we want them to know that they would never be alone if they became pregnant and needed our help. The argument I receive often is that the conversation offering support would push young women into having babies out of wedlock. Please take a bold step and be willing to risk that in order to save lives. Really very few women will voluntarily walk into a teenage pregnancy just because they know you are there…truth…
So here are a few things I wish I had known before I had an abortion:
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS:
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 I struggled with knowing what to do but was told abortion was my right. There is a scripture in the bible that answers the question on what to do if you are in a situation of choosing abortion or walking through an unplanned pregnancy….I call this an open book test… When God sets before you life or death and blessings or curses he TELLS YOU to choose life. Problem settled. Please share this with your daughters, youth, friends and leaders.
LIFE is not really ours to take. We belong to Him. We do not rip apart a creation that God has made. We co-labor with Him. The benefits gained from this difficult journey also will prove to be the best blessing.
Most women are not aware that they have a right to see an ultrasound of their baby. In fact many abortion clinics are required to ask a woman if she wants to see her baby. Also, an abortion cannot be scheduled on day one of abortion discovery. There needs to be a 24 hour wait at least. And she must be given a list of the risks that can include increased risk of suicide, emotional trauma, higher risk of breast cancer, increased risk of future infertility and more..
Make sure your daughters know that there are places that offer emotional, financial support and resources. Pregnancy clinics give counseling on the options of abortion as well and the risks. But they also help women to not feel alone. They will even help them call parents and set up a plan for their birth. Some even offer housing, diapers, insurance , support in their schools and more. They will help eliminate the falsehoods and lies associated with pregnancy fear.
My daughters and I have established open conversation and it is clear that our goal is to navigate these issues during marriage instead, but we also have the foundations set in place in the event things turn into another direction.
As a woman who aborted as a teenager, I can tell you that had I been exposed to facts and conversations regarding pregnancy and options other than abortion, I would have made a choice for life. My abortion decision led me through years of processing this decision in a deep and painful way.
I am healed by the grace of God but I will always miss the daughter that would have been sitting with us in our home church this Sunday had she been alive. She would be shopping with her four younger sisters and possibly be a mother herself. I still grieve over her and while some women will never regret their decisions I know there are millions of women who sit quietly with that wound because the enemy wanted them in the dark.
Bring facts into the light and as a church please also know and memorize Deuteronomy 30:19-20…God said CHOOSE LIFE. If He said “choose life” and you are avoiding reading that scripture to the youth in your congregation then you are complicit in killing the future saints, prophets and powerful leaders from this world. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t honor God.
Deanna Falchook writes about Pro-Life, Adoption and Christian Topics. She is highly focused on fairy tales and their impact on politics, faith and culture. She is the author of a book called TO BE A MOTHER and the soon to be released book called THE CINDERELLA MINDSET. Deanna’s work has been featured in THE FEDERALIST, Charisma, Breitbart, 700Club, EWTN, Faithwire to name a few. Deanna is the mom of 7 children (5 internationally adopted) and lives near Disneyworld in Orlando. You can contact Deanna on FACEBOOK or twitter @deannafalchook.